I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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