No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
