you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize