Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
