whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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