You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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