I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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