he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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