I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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