So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
