Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What happened to fro yo and sex?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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