Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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