Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ketchup is God's man juice
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize