white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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