I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
