You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
