1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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