Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
