Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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