Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
