There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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