Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
