i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
