those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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