I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
