if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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