Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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