Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
