Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
