it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
