none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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