Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
