umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
