im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
