Im at strip club and am horny
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
