rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
