I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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