I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
