My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the day after is always just damage control
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
