Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
