My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
