I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
