Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
