I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
