have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize