I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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