Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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