Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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