the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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