No more Irish car bombs ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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