Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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