you would pick up someone in the library
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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