remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
