Are we in a gay sports bar?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
