I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
