i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
