It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
