we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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