They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
