somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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