Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
