we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
