Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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