Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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