Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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