We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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