I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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