apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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