I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it's like iHOP with fire
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
