I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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