Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
