I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
