I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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