Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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